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Carolann Dowsett

Author

Pathways of Life

Love lies trapped

in a heart broken.

Flooded with tears,

awash with sorrow,

I surrender into a void

of loneliness.


Lost,

I wander through dark corridors

of the deepest night.

Aimlessly searching

for the light.


Unknown faces stare at me

as I move through the darkness.

I am ethereal and eternal,

loved and despised.

A mystery,

a moment in time.


Floating soundlessly through a life

of passion and pain,

longing and desire.

Always dreaming,

always searching,

I reach out to the ones

who watch me,

pleading to be held,

to be lifted up in the arms of love.

But they push me away,

I am but a play thing in their hands,

a fantasy to their minds.


Carelessly,

they mock me,

tease me with their cruel hearts

and empty promises.


I want to run,

to hide,

but the pathway of darkness

is never ending,

the faces who lustfully devour me

too numerous to count.


Emptiness fills me,

engulfs me,

until I am but a hollow shell.


I fall to my knees

and cry out for release,

but even the heavens

have closed their ears to me.


Defeated,

I lay down on the cold,

dark pathway of life

that I have been placed upon.


I close my eyes,

surrender to the night.

Yet still I can feel them watching me,

wanting to use me

and then discard me,

just as a child

discards an out-grown toy.


I know I should fight,

keep moving,

try to get away from this unearthly place

of sorrow and pain,

but I have no more fight in me.


I am lost,

once again I cry out to the heavens,

but my cry escapes me

as the softest whisper.

Barely more than a mournful sigh

flows from lips that silently yearn

for a lover’s kiss.


I feel the darkness

trying to take me as its own.

Cold hands cruelly seize me,

try to pull me into the night’s embrace,

close me off to the light forever.

But then deep within me

God calls out my name,

He speaks gentle words of love

into my soul,

He fills me with His light

and before me

the darkness is suddenly destroyed.


I open my eyes and see

that I am now lying

in a beautiful meadow

surrounded by wild flowers

that are glorious to look upon.


Overwhelmed with joy,

with inexplicable gladness,

I see a new pathway appear before me,

a pathway of light.


I know that it is this road

that I must now follow,

that even though I walk alone,

God’s Spirit now walks beside me,

guiding me and loving me,

as man never can.


I look into the distance,

try to see the end of the pathway,

but it is impossible to see.

It continues on for a lifetime,

then into the eternity

that exists beyond the grave.


Slowly I begin to walk

along the pathway of light and life.

Eagerly awaiting each twist and turn

that I may come upon on my journey.


No longer afraid,

I walk through a life

filled with beauty and promise,

Knowing that one day

one will come to walk beside me,

one who will fill my heart

and touch my soul with a true,

everlasting love.


But until that day,

I will continue to walk alone.

Lonely yet at peace,

fearless and full of faith.

Patiently awaiting love's sweet caress

to light my soul,

and reignite the flame of love

that for now,

lies silent within me.

Copyright © 2013 Carolann Dowsett

Lost in the Darkness

I was walking through a beautiful forest,

it was a glorious day,

the birds were singing the sweetest melody

I had ever heard.


A cool breeze was entwining itself

through the leaves of the trees,

giving them a voice

beyond human capacity

to understand.

They shared their ancient secrets

as I walked aimlessly in their midst.


My joy was complete that day

and I was at peace.

Vaguely I remembered

that another life awaited me

away from this place

of whispering trees

and hidden secrets

but so much was I entranced

by my surrounds

that it slipped away from me,

became lost somewhere

in the corners of my mind.


Nothing mattered anymore,

all sense of reality left me

as I wandered timelessly

through this place

of indescribable beauty.

Through this place of dreams,

of fantasy,

wonder

and joy


So lost was I

in my forest of light

that I did not see the darkness

as it stole upon me.

I did not understand

that without the light

the forest would become a dark

and foreboding place,

a place of nightmares,

of fear and loss.


At first I was blinded by the light,

by the beauty of all that surrounded me,

but when the darkness came upon me

it rendered me sightless


I stumbled,

cried out for help,

but no one but the trees heard me,

and they were heartless

and did not care.


The once cool breeze

had turned into an angry beast

that sunk its cold fingers into my flesh


I was lost,

unseen by the world

I fell to the mossy ground,

aware of the creatures

that lived in its depths,

but no longer caring.


Anguish flooded my soul,

I wanted to cry out,

to scream and fight,

but there was no point,

no one would hear me

no one would save me.


I was invisible

to the rest of the world.

Entrapped,

in a cocoon of darkness.

Unknown,

unloved,

uncared for.


Hopelessness came

and I welcomed it.

I surrendered myself

to the night,

to the deep loneliness

that had always threatened

to overwhelm my soul.


I lay helpless

in the darkness of that night

for countless hours.

The trees stood all around me

like soulless sentries

keeping a merciless guard

over this lost soul

who had wandered aimlessly

into their midst.


I felt the life seeping out of me

as the cold hands of the wind

made their home

deep within my bones

Then something stirred deep within me,

a memory of the life I once had,

of who I knew I could be

came fighting through

the mists of my heart.


I felt a jump in my spirit

as the spark of life

reignited itself within me.

Slowly I opened my eyes,

forced myself to rise

from the grips of death.


Miraculously,

through the forest

of soulless trees,

I saw the light of a new day had appeared.


Tentatively,

I took a step towards the light.

One,

then another,

until slowly,

painfully,

but with endless determination,

I found my way home.

Copyright © 2013 Carolann Dowsett

Entwined in Love's Embrace

The 
forest 
continues 
to 
call 
me


to
 entice 
me 
back


into 
its 
mysterious 
depths

.


It
 whispers
 its
 sweet 
melody


into
 my 
mind

, 


draws 
me 
back


into its 
heartless 
embrace
.


I 
know
 I
 shouldn't 
go

,

I
 should 
fight 
the 
urge


to
 step
 once 
again


into
 its 
deadly 
beauty

.


But
 the
 need
 to 
re-enter


this
 alien 
world

,

of 
beauty
 and 
joy,


terror
 and
 fear


,

is
 too 
strong
 within 
me




Oh 
to 
taste
 once
 again


its
 heavenly 
delights.



To
 walk
 once 
again


with 
free 
abandon


in
 this 
place
 of
 wonder,



of 
fantasy
 and 
dreams

.


At
 the 
edge 
of 
the
 forest
,

I
 stand
,

peering
 in,

a 
spectator


standing 
on 
the 
other 
side
 of 
forever
.


Mesmerised,

I
 slowly 
surrender,


as 
each 
of
 my 
senses


becomes
 filled



with
 the 
glory 
before 
me.




The
 aroma
 of 
promise


overwhelms
 me

.

A vision 
of 
hope
,

of
 indescribable 
utopia
,

floods
 my
 soul

.


The
 ancient 
trees


stand 
before 
me

,

whispering
 giants


calling
 me
 back


into
 their 
kingdom

.

Gently 
enticing

,

they 
beckon
 me 
in


with
 their silky
 promises


of
 love and
 sweet 
delight

.


I
 falter,


my 
resolve 
weakening

.

Oh
 how
 great
 the
 need 
in 
me


to
 love
 and 
be 
loved

,

to
 be
 once 
more


entwined


in
 love’s
 embrace

.


Tentatively
,

I 
once 
again 
enter
 the 
forest 
of 
dreams.



My 
heart 
bursting
 with
 expectation

,

with
 deep
 longing,

I
 allow
 myself
 to 
be 
swept 
away,



to
 breathe
 in
 the 
glory


of
 all 
that 
surrounds 
me
.


Great
 light
 has
 filled
 the 
forest,



all
 sense
 of
 fear
 and 
foreboding,



of
 the 
darkness 
I 
felt 
before


has
 completely
 left 
me

.


Even 
the 
trees


seem
 to
 be 
my 
friends 
now,



as
 if
 the 
purity
 of
 the
 light


has 
transformed
 them


into
 watchful 
angels

,

giant 
beings 
of 
light


sent 
to 
diligently 
guard
 my 
soul.



Joyfully
,

I 
dance


through 
the 
forest 
of 
angels.



Surrendering 
completely


to the 
light,


I
 allow
 it 
to 
fill 
me,


to
 engulf 
my
 entire
 being,


until 
I 
too,


am 
a 
part 
of 
its 
glory,
 


of
 its 
sweet 
delight

.


I
 can 
now feel 


the
 touch
 of
 heaven upon 
my 
soul,



and
 I 
know
 I
 am 
finally 
safe

,

that
 I
 am
 home
 with
 my 
Father,


where
 I
 belong

.


The
 hours 
of 
eternity 
tick 
by,

as
 I
 play 
with
 free
 abandon

in
 my 
forest
 of 
hope,

where 
angelic 
beings 
of 
light

stand
 silently
 around 
me,
 


keeping a watchful guard over me.


I 
am
 once 
again 
lost,

in
 this 
forest
 of
 light

,

encapsulated


in 
heaven's 
glory
.

Safe 
and 
protected


from
 the 
things 
of 
the 
world,


I 
happily 
drift
 away

.

Unconcerned
 of 
any 
previous 
life,



of
 any 
existence
 other 
than 
the 
one


I 
have
 now
 found

.


I
 throw 
myself


into
 the 
mercy
 of
 the 
light.



I 
want 
to 
stay
 here
 forever,



to
 never 
again
 have
 to
 leave,



to
 never
 again have
 to
 experience


the
 things 
of 
the 
flesh


.


Oh 
to 
never 
again
 suffer
 pain,



to
 never 
again
 cry
 a 
river


of
 silent 
tears

,

without
 the 
comfort


of 
human 
warmth


to 
guide
 me
 home.




Desperation suddenly 
floods 
me,

as
 I
 feel 
myself
 being 
drawn 
back,



pulled 
back
 by
 an
 invisible 
force


to
 a
 world
 I 
have 
always 
known,


a 
world
 I
 both
 love
 and
 despise.




I
 cry
 out 
to
 the 
light
,

to 
the 
heavens
 for
 mercy,



and 
I 
feel 
the
 gentle
 spirit
 of love

lift
 me 
into 
its 
arms

.

I
 feel 
the 
tenderness

of 
God’s
 Spirit touch 
my 
soul,



bring
 peace 
upon 
my 
heart

,

and 
I
 know
 that
 I 
must 
return.




My
 time
 in
 the 
world

of
 suffering
 and
 pain


is
 not 
yet 
done

,

for
 there
 are 
others

in
 this world
 who
 need
 me,



and
 it
 is
 for
 them
 that
 I
 must 
go.




I
 feel
 the 
soft 
tears
 of
 loss

form
 in
 my 
eyes

,

but
 before 
they
 can 
flow

the 
gentle 
Spirit
 of 
God

wipes 
them 
away.




I
 realise
 then


that 
although I 
must 
leave

this
 place
 of
 glory
 and
 joy,



the
 light 
of 
God

will 
never 
fully
 leave
 me

.

That
 through 
my 
walk

within 
the 
confines of
 the
 flesh

He 
will 
carry 
me

and
 bring 
me 
peace




I
 close 
my 
eyes


and
 rest
 for
 a
while


in 
the 
arms 
of 
love

,

allowing


every 
part 
of 
my 
mind,

body
, soul,
 and
 spirit



to 
be
 flooded


with 
His 
peace
 and
 glory.




I
 feel
 the
 eternal 
hands 
of 
time

slow 
down

,

to 
take 
on 
a
 new 
rhythm


and
 form

,

and 
I 
know
 I
 am
 being



transported


back
 into 
the 
world
 of
 the 
flesh,

that
 my
 time
 in
 the 
forest


of
 mystery
 and 
hope
 is now 
done.




Behind
 closed 
eyes


I
 see
 the
 glorious 
light

that
 had
 so 
engulfed
 my
 soul
,

diminish



and
 I 
know


I
 am 
once 
again 
home


in
 the 
world
 of
 the 
flesh

.


As 
conscience
 thought


re-establishes
 itself


within
 my 
mind,



I
 realise 
I 
am 
once 
again


lying
 on 
the 
mossy 
ground


of
 the 
forest

,

but
 this 
time 
I 
am 
touched


by
 warmth
 and
 filled
 with
 peace.




As 
if 
from 
a 
deep 
sleep
,

I 
awaken
,

to 
find 
myself 
lying


in
 a 
shaft 
of 
sunlight



that 
has 
fought
 its 
way 
through


the
 canopy
 of 
ancient 
trees


to
 rest 
upon 
me,


and
 within 
the 
gentle 
warmth


of
 sunlight
,

I
 see 
the 
figure 
of 
a 
man.




He 
is 
wrapped
 in 
the 
sunlight,


just
 as 
I 
am 
blanketed


with
 its 
warmth

,

and
 for 
an 
eternal 
moment


we
 just 
gaze
 into
 each 
others 
eyes.

His
 are 
the 
colour 
of 
the 
sky



and
 are 
filled 
with 
the 
love
 and glory


of
 the 
heavens

.

He
 is 
a 
man
 of
 love
 and 
peace,



and 
within 
his 
eyes


I
 see 
the 
mirror 
image


of 
my 
soul




Silently,

he
 reaches 
down 
a 
hand


towards
 me
,


and
 without 
a 
single

earthly
 thought


I
 accept 
it


and
 rise 
to 
my 
feet.



His
 touch 
is 
known
 to 
me,



familiar
 in 
a 
way


that 
cannot 
be 
explained


in
 earthly 
terms

.


I
 look 
around


and
 see 
that 
my 
forest 
of 
glory



is
 once 
again


just
 an 
ordinary
 forest,



though
 still 
I 
can 
see


the
 touch 
of 
God’s 
Glory


all
 around
 me

.

Still 
I
 can 
feel


the 
presence
 of 
God


upon
 me

.


I
 look 
upwards


into
 the 
eyes


of
 the 
ancient 
trees


and
 see 
that 
they 
are
 once 
again


just
 ordinary 
trees,



though
 I 
suspect


that
 they 
are 
really


mighty 
angels


in 
disguise

.


Reluctant 
to 
leave,


I 
know
 that 
my 
time


in 
this 
place 
is 
done.


Life
 awaits 
me


on
 the 
other 
side


of
 this 
mysterious 
forest,



and
 no 
matter
 what 
it 
would
 bring


I 
knew 
I 
would 
live 
it



until
 my 
time
 to 
leave 
it


had
 come

.


I
 look 
to 
the 
stranger


who
 still 
stands 
beside 
me,



who
 still 
has 
his 
hand


in 
mine

,

and
 I
 understand


that 
he 
is 
heaven 
sent,



a 
blessing
 sent 
to 
me


from 
the 
very 
hands


of 
my 
Father.




For 
so 
long


I
 had 
walked 
alone


in
 this
 world

,

but
 now


one 
would 
walk 
beside
 me.



One 
who 
would 
share 
with 
me


the
 joys
 and
 the 
heartaches



of
 this 
life 
that 
we 
must 
live.





Together,

as 
one
,

without 
a 
word
 spoken
 between 
us,



we 
begin 
to 
make 
our 
way


out
 of 
the 
forest 
of 
trees

.


Hand
 in 
hand
,

we 
walk 
into 
a 
life


that
 is 
yet 
to 
come.



Into 
a 
world


that
 is 
known
,

yet
 as 
unknown


and 
mysterious


as
 the 
breeze
.


We
 now 
have 
the 
newness 
of 
life


standing
 before 
us.



The
 breath
 of
 a 
new 
day


waits 
in 
eager 
anticipation



for 
the 
events 
of 
humanity
 to 
unfold.



Fearlessly
,

we
 enter 
the 
world


knowing
 that 
no 
matter


what
 happens 
within 
its


sometimes
 glorious,


yet
 often 
terrifying,


depths
,

we
 will 
stand
 strong.



Together
 we 
will 
stand,


and
 with 
the 
grace


and 
mercy
 of
 God
 before 
us


we
 will 
overcome


every
 suffering 
and
 trial.




We
 have 
been 
blessed
 this
 day


with 
love
,

and 
will 
walk


entwined


in
 love's
 embrace


until 
the 
hands 
of 
eternity


once
 again,


take 
us 
home
.

Copyright © Carolann Dowsett 2013

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